How to Be a Guido
Guido is a slang term for an urban, Italian American male who is working class. After the rise of the popular television show, the Jersey Shore, more people aspire to live the guido lifestyle. Many Italian-Americans and people from New Jersey take offense to the culture and mockery surrounding the term, “guido”.
Being a Guido
Be an Italian-American.To truly be a guido, you have to have Italian heritage. Don’t fake being Italian to fit in with guido culture. The classic guido is from the Jersey-New York area and has an accent to prove it.
Exercise as much as possible.If you’ve seen the Jersey Shore, you’ll see that these guys are ripped. To reach this level of physical physique, you will need a gym membership and a lot of determination. First, set goals for improving your strength. For example, if you bench press 120 lbs, set a goal to raise that amount in small increments.
- Work on compound exercises, or lifts that exercise multiple muscles and joints. This includes deadlifts, squats, presses, rows, and chinups.
- Let your muscles recover to allow them to grow. The best way to let your muscles recover is by getting enough sleep at night. Try going to bed thirty minutes earlier than usual.
- Abs might be the best muscle group to focus on. Abs are the reason The Situation received his nickname. It was because his abs stopped someone who couldn’t believe how toned his abs were.
Drink juices and shakes.As said on the Jersey Shore, “My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, and a 'juice-head'.”Pre and post workout nutrition is imperative for serious muscle gain. Following a serious juice and shake routine can also improve many health functions in your body. Buy a juice machine to save you money from buying juices out and at the gym. Try out this easy recipe that might normally cost from the store:
- 1 ½ Granny Smith apple
- 4 Kale leaves
- 8 Parsley Sprigs
- 4 Celery stalks
- 1 Cucumber
- ½ Lemon, peeled
Tan your body.It may not always be ideal to go tanning out in the sun. Join a tanning salon or invest into spray on tans. The guido archetype is dark and this isn’t always achieved naturally. The guido lifestyle values products and cosmetics.
Participate in nightlife.You have to dance to truly act like a guido. An integral part of dancing is doing the fist pump. You can incorporate moving your hips and legs to the beat while pumping your fists to the beat. The most popular nightlife of guidos are clubs that play dance/pop music.
- One of the major aspects of nightlife is dressing the part.
Learn the guido poses.Guidos have several poses that identify what type of mood and attitude they currently have. While many of these poses are for the camera, many of them can be used as a greeting or farewell. These are a few of the poses of a guido:
- Fist-pump. This is a staple pose and dance move. All it requires is that you pump one fist up into the air. Imagine the radio is playing Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars and it throws you into a “hyped” move.
- Alcohol shot. This is a pose that is used when posing for a camera at a party. Grab the whole bottle of a liquor like Grey Goose, and raise it up as though you are toasting the camera.
- Backwards peace sign. This is a classic pose that spans across several groups of people. Make the peace sign towards the camera or person and turn your hand so your palm faces you. The peace sign consists of you extending your index and middle fingers together.
- Duckface. You can incorporate the duckface, or kissing face, into any of these poses. You could also use the duckface by itself, or with a group of people.
- Abs pose. Again, abs are valued highly in the guido culture. The ab pose means that you lift your shirt to pose your abs to the camera.
Styling Like a Guido
Style your hair.You can do a lot of things to your hair, but the key is your ability to use products. If you have long hair, you’ll need to have it cut to be able to pull off the several hairstyles of the guido. Bring in a picture of the Jersey Shore males’ haircuts to the barber. You’ll need various hair products such as hair gel and hair glue. Here are a few examples of guido hairstyles:
- The blowout. The blowout is when all your hair sticks straight up. There are variations, such as the Brooklyn blowout, which involves a meticulous fade on the back.
- The spiker. The spiker hairstyle is similar to the blowout, but you additionally spike all your hair. Spiking your hair means gathering small portions of your hair and then spiking it straight up with product.
- The fohawk. A fohawk is a mohawk that doesn’t require you to shave off the side portions of your head. Instead, you gather all your hair to the middle of your head using hair glue.
Craft your facial hair.If you decide to grow facial hair, you need to take steps to make it look clean. Do not let your facial hair grow for more than three days without styling. The key to the guido facial hair is keeping the hair thin. Here are a few styles you can try out:
- Chinstrap. This means that your facial hair extends underneath your jawline.
- Soul Patch. The soul patch is a small patch of hair underneath your lip and above your chin.
- Goatee. The goatee is facial hair that only surrounds your mouth. It means no facial hair on your cheeks or underneath your jawline.
Wear graphic t-shirts.T-shirts are acceptable when they contain a large graphic print on them. Popular clothing companies that make this style of t-shirts are Ed Hardy and Armani. Many popular graphics that are popular on guido shirts are crosses, skulls, and ships.
- The key to wearing t-shirts in the guido style is that the shirt is too small. This will make your muscles bulge and make you look like your buff.
Wear open shirts.Another popular top for a guido is the button down shirt. The key to wearing the button down shirt is to undo most of the buttons, revealing your chiseled torso.
Keep your clothes clean.You should wash your clothes before wearing them. If you don’t have an ironing board and iron, invest in one. You’ll need to iron your clothes before going out to look fresh.
Wear accessories.There are several different accessories that can compliment your outfit in the guido style. These are the types of caps you could wear: flat brimmed baseball hats, fedoras, sweatbands, and bandanas. Another popular accessory is a cross or a dog-tag necklace.
- Gold or silver watches that are large will also add to your outfit.
Dressing Up as a Guido
Be appropriate and respectful.If you plan to go to a party as a guido, you need to be sure not to offend anyone. However you dress up and act, make sure nobody feels offended or disrespected. Guido themed parties and costumes are popular and typically don’t cross boundaries.
- If you are confronted by someone offended, back down from the outfit and apologize.
Get a wig.If you don’t want to cut your hair or expose it to strong chemicals, invest in a black wig. Once you have the wig, you can style it the same way you would as if it were your own hair. Use the aforementioned styles like the fohawk, blowout, or spiker.
Dressing the part.Search your wardrobe for slim fitting t-shirts or button down dress shirts. Go to a thrift store or secondhand clothing store to look for graphic print t-shirts. While you’re at the clothing store see if you can find any gold necklaces you could use for your costume.
Use tanning makeup.To easily convey a fake tan, wear a topical tanning cream on your face. You can also use a darker shade of foundation to your face. If you feel like going all out, purchase a temporary spray on tan.
Video: What is Guido: A Short Video Montage
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